Texas is the second largest state in America, and it even won its independence and became its own republic in the 1800s. It’s so large that it has formed its own unique culture, and people truly like to do things their own way. We’ve talked about Florida Man (and Florida Woman) in the past, but the Sunshine State isn’t the only place home to bizarre daily shenanigans. Today on Top Tenz, here are 10 wild and crazy adventures of Texas Man…
10. Texas Man Brings His Steer to Petco
The American pet supply chain Petco has a policy where you can bring in your furry friend to the store, as long as you keep it on a leash. For most people, they’re just happy that their dog can go somewhere besides the vet and the park. But as the saying goes, “everything’s bigger in Texas.”
A man and woman named Shelly Lumpkin and Vincent Browning run a rodeo together, so their “pets” aren’t exactly traditional. After seeing the store’s policy, they thought it would be funny to show up with their Ankole Watusi steer with a leash around its neck. Of course, the store never specified a size or weight limit on the animals that were allowed through their doors. For context, a steer averages 1,600-pounds. To their surprise, though, the Petco employees were actually okay with it, and happily posed for photos with the steer. Now only time will tell if people start riding their horses through the aisles, or taking their cows for a grooming session.
9. Texas Man Deals With “Just A Few Snakes”
There’s a well-known stereotype that people in Texas and other Western states wear cowboy boots. But this isn’t just a fashion statement. The thick leather protects people’s feet and ankles from venomous snake bites. So, in March 2019, when a homeowner in Albany, Texas went down to his basement crawl space, he wasn’t too surprised when he spotted just a few rattlesnakes under the floorboards.
He called a company called Big Country Snake Removal to help him get rid of them. When they arrived, they discovered that “just a few” was actually 45 rattlesnakes. Now, to anyone who is afraid of snakes, you’re probably imagining that scene out of Indiana Jones where there is an entire pit full of them, and you’re not too far off. If you’re curious what it actually looked like to descend into this pit of despair, the company actually posted the entire video of the process of removing the 45 snakes on their Facebook page.
8. Texas Man Sues Woman Over A Bad Date
Pretty much everyone has had at least one truly terrible dating experience. But it’s one thing to decide never to call that person again, and it’s a whole other thing to sue someone over it. In 2017, one 37-year-old Texas Man named Brandon Vezmar was on a first date with a woman named Crystal Cruz. He took her to see Guardians of the Galaxy 2. Cruz was texting a friend, and Vezmar asked her to stop. He told her, “If you need to text during the movie, you should go outside.” So… she did. And then she didn’t come back. Apparently, Vezmar didn’t think this through, because Cruz was the one who drove them both to the theater, leaving him without a ride.
He texted her that he was suing her for $17.31, which was what he spent on the movie tickets. Later, he told the press that, “Her behavior is a threat to civilized society.” Inside Edition interviewed them both. Cruz said that she was texting her friend because she met Vezmar online, and she immediately got “crazy dude” vibes from him once they met face-to-face. Her friend was texting to ask if she was okay. Not wanting her to worry, she responded immediately, instead of waiting the two hours for the movie to be over. It looks like her intuition was right, though, and she gave him back exactly $17.31 while the cameras were watching. He even took the time to count the change. Needless to say, there wasn’t a second date.
7. Texas Man Finds a Surprise After Breaking Into an Abandoned House To Smoke Weed
Marijuana is still illegal in the state of Texas, so for anyone who is looking to smoke, they have to do it discreetly. In February 2019, a Texas Man decided to enter an abandoned house to smoke his joint, but he soon discovered that he wasn’t the only one trying to hide something in the building. A tiger was sitting inside of a large cage in the house. At first, he thought his dealer must have laced his weed with something much stronger, and that he was hallucinating. But in reality, someone really was hiding the exotic animal there.
Once he realized that he wasn’t tripping, the man made an anonymous phone call to the police. Animal control arrived, and they removed the tiger from the house. Apparently, the tiger had been well-fed, so whoever it belonged to was at least taking care of it. The animal was given water and medical attention and brought to a wildlife refuge.
6. Texas Man Paints His House Pink
In Texas, a home is considered to be so sacred that they invented the “castle doctrine.” This means that you can get away with murder if you shoot someone breaking into your house. So, you would think that people would respect that whatever someone wants to do with his house, it’s his business. Well, that is, unless they decide to paint it a girly color, of course.
In March 2019, a man named Emilio Rodriguez decided that he wanted to paint his entire house bright pink. But he didn’t stop at the siding. He painted every square inch, including the roof and gutters, so that now it looks like a cheap Chinese knockoff of the Barbie Dream House.
The neighbors were so angry that they demanded he change the color. But since there is no Homeowners Association in their neighborhood, they really had no way of stopping him. And, of course, we’re only hearing about his story because they were angry enough to contact the local news. When he was asked about his motivation behind his attack on everyone’s retinas, Rodriguez simply responded that pink is his favorite color.
5. Texas Man’s Service Monkey Causes Chaos
Service animals are meant to help people with disabilities get a free pass to bring their pets to public places where they would normally never be allowed. You’re probably already familiar with the concept of a blind person having a seeing-eye dog, and the ones with notes from doctors, and animals with special training are really the only ones who are officially licensed under the Americans with Disabilities Act. However, in the United States, people have taken the concept of a “service animal” and used it as an excuse to bring their pets in public whenever they want. For example, one woman tried to take her “emotional support peacock” onto an airplane, claiming that it calmed her anxiety. But that’s a story for another day.
In 2015, one Texas Man was carrying his pet monkey named Louie around with him in public. Louie was wearing a little blue t-shirt and a diaper, and Texas Man treated the ape like it was his baby. The owner brought the monkey into the bank, but the wild animal climbed down from his shoulder and began biting the unsuspecting employee. The man quickly left the bank without even apologizing. The police found him, of course, and he claimed that he had the right to bring Louie wherever he wanted as his “support animal.” He was wrong, of course, and fined $2,000. The monkey was taken by animal control to put him under a 30-day quarantine, because he was never vaccinated properly, either.
4. Texas Man Receives Instant Karma
This next Texas Man deserves an honorable mention as a candidate for a Darwin Award. One night in August 2018, a man threw an axe at a moving train. But, instead of it crashing through a window and killing someone, it bounced back and immediately struck him in the head, knocking him unconscious. The man survived with minor injuries, but he could have just as easily had the axe lodged in his skull.
The conductor heard the “thump” and stopped the train, believing that they may have hit someone on the tracks. When the police arrived, they were able to apprehend the man who threw the axe. He tried to claim that he wasn’t trying to throw it at the train, and that he was simply swinging it around in a circle in the middle of the night, just as the train went past. Riiiiight…
He was taken to the hospital, where he was forced to undergo a mental health examination.
3. Texas Man Executes His Master Plan
In the movies, when you see a bank robbery, there is usually an elaborate plan involving thieves wearing disguises to cover their faces, followed by a getaway driver who rushes them to safety. But in December 2018, one 18-year-old Texas Man named Luca Mangiarano decided that he didn’t need all of that to get away with his own master plan. He held up the BBVA Compass Bank — while not wearing a mask — and handed the teller a rather polite note that said, “This is a robbery. Please give me all your 100s and 50s in an envelope, and everything will be OK.”
Instead of getting in a car, he rented a Jump Scooter as his getaway vehicle. If you’re not familiar, these are electric scooters people use to get around a city, and then they park it wherever they want, just waiting for the next person to pay to rent it. Clearly, Mangiarano did not think this through, because the company had GPS trackers on all of its scooters. They were able to track the scooter’s route all the way back to his home.
2. Texas Man Deals With False Advertisement
If you live in the United States, you’ve probably heard of a gym franchise called 24-Hour Fitness. As you might imagine, it’s a gym that boasts your ability to get your workout at any time, day or night. But apparently, some locations are not actually open 24 hours a day, and one Texas Man had to find out the hard way. On January 22, 2019, a man named Jonathan Santos went to the 24-Hour Fitness in Spring, Texas. Santos was in the locker room, getting ready to leave, when he saw a gym employee walk in. The employee acknowledged his presence… but still closed down the store, locking Santos inside.
So, this could have ended up a lot like the movie Night at the Museum, but instead of being locked in with historic figures, you’re stuck watching TV while creating a makeshift bed out of yoga mats. In reality, Santos was able to use his cellphone to call a different 24-Hour Fitness location that actually was open 24 hours, and they sent the employee back to unlock the door.
1. Texas Woman Goes On Her Average Walmart Run
Last, and certainly not least, we’ve given you a little twist by writing about Texas Woman, instead, because this next story truly deserves a spot on the list.
In January 2019, a Texas Woman was riding an electric scooter around the Walmart parking lot. This by itself wouldn’t be so strange, except that she was caught drinking wine out of a Pringles can. In case you were wondering, you can pretty much fit an entire bottle of wine in one of those cans, so she was absolutely wasted. Employees had to call the police, because the woman began riding around the parking lot at 6:30 a.m. By 9 a.m, the police showed up, and she was permanently banned from ever stepping foot in the Walmart again. After this was reported by the media, it went viral — so much so that people began to make their own Pringles can wine tumblers in order to channel their inner Texas Woman.
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